The Problem Isn’t Being Nice; The Problem Is Being Boring.
This applies to both males and females in the dating sense and for this article I’ll refer to them as ‘MF’.
Everyone wants a certain amount of excitement, adventure, mystery and surprise in a relationship. In the early stages, the problem with a lot of “nice” MF’s is that they’re acting like they just want to be friends when they really want more. It’s okay to want a relationship with someone, but be upfront about it. Don’t pretend like you’re just their friend and then irk them when you finally say you want more.
The problem here isn’t about being a “nice”, what’s at issue here is not being boring and, perhaps more importantly, not begging for approval. Let’s examine each of these, one at a time:
Excitement And Adventure
When you’re dating someone — especially in the beginning — they’ll want some excitement. They’ll want to feel butterflies in their stomach, to feel desired, for you to show them new things and to take them on adventures. Can a “nice” MF not do this?
If you find that the opposite sex friend-zone you often, it’s probably because you’re not adding enough to the relationship. So, rather than conclude that “I’m destined to be just friends” and then acting accordingly – instead take them on a killer date. That’s it. That’s the “secret” to not landing in the friend zone every time.
What qualifies a killer date? Well, it varies from person to person, obviously, but it’s not dinner and a movie; it’s something more exciting. It’s doing something together that would be fun on your own, but is more fun with another person. That might be white-water rafting. It might be hitting up an art gallery. It might be a historical bar crawl of places where famous people used to drink in your neighborhood.
It’s something that 15 other people haven’t already done with them. Think outside of the box. Come up with something that’s fun for both of you. When you’re done with that…
Don’t Be Needy
Why? Seeking approval isn’t just a weak behavior, it’s also stressful for the other person. Neediness can even manifest from your body language. So, relax. Have fun. Give them room to breathe and if the connection is there, it will happen. What’s more, not being needy projects strength.
This can be applied in the long term too. People tend to look elsewhere when they get bored in relationships. So stop the boredom and get active. Do things together, things that you don’t necessarily do on a ‘typical’ day… I’m certain you’ll be in a happier relationship because of it.
Being nice is one thing, boring on the other hand, is a completely different kettle of fish!