While hanging out one Friday night with the ladies, we broke out into conversation about why men won’t put a ring on it. After dishing out our views, we noticed a pattern; women are overexerting their role and allowing the term “wifey” to replace “wife”. Some of the ladies came to the realization that they related more to the emotional battle of Relationships vs. Situationships, than the refreshing series of love…like “in love”. It seems men are getting the best of these potential wives by buttering them up to believe they will one day have their last name, when in fact that one day is nowhere near. Psychologist Alon Gratch, author of “If Men Could Talk” discovered that 81% of the married men surveyed by the National Marriage Project said one main reason they decided to wed was because it was simply the right time to settle down.
Being as though I’m all for a stimulating conversation; I decided to dig a little deeper into the brains of these fellas by having a round table discussion with some of my opinionated guy friends. I asked them to, “name a few reasons why some men won’t put a ring on it?” and “name some of the things that disqualify a woman when looking for someone to settle down with”. Granted these responses are from a man’s point of view, so keep in mind that they do not speak for all men and by no means should this be considered “scientific”. If there are any other answers you would like to add please feel free to comment on this and share it with us. Here are the top 5 answers to both questions:
“Why he won’t put a ring on it:” Survey says…
5) It’s not you it’s me: “If a man hasn’t reached that point mentally, it doesn’t matter how great of a woman she is, he’s not going to take that step to matrimony until he can grasp the concept of a lifelong monogamous relationship.” The single life has to be totally out of his system.
4) Casual sex is so much easier: “The live in girlfriend is so much more convenient. You can enjoy the benefits of having a wife without having to say I Do”.
3) Lower expectations: Believe it or not, there is a slight fear of not being able to live up to a woman’s expectations. He will totally avoid the commitment stage to protect his ego and consider a more passive way out of it. “If a man is not financially stable he is more likely to prolong marriage until he is sure he can fulfill his duties as a husband.”
2) Being reluctant: Some men are afraid to make that big of a decision with the fear of it failing; they don’t want to have to live with the fact that they made a bad choice. Most men are afraid of the changes that come with marriage, so why fix what isn’t broken?
1) Pressure: Men hate feeling pressured into marriage. A lot of men harbor the mindset that a woman’s main goal is to “trap” them with kids and “take half”. So being overly persistent is the best way to get a man NOT to propose to you!
“Things that disqualify a woman when a man is looking to settle down:” Survey says…
5) Doormat relationships: If a woman allows a man to walk all over her, that shows him she has no backbone. “When a man is considering marriage he wants to be with someone that can stand up for what they believe in, not one that will fall for anything.”
4) Low self-esteem: “Women who are unsure about who they are as a person and lacks self-love are the most unattractive women.” A man would rather be with a woman that knows who she is and builds herself in confidence.
3) Being the nightlife chick: “It’s simple; you can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.” Men love a woman who is classy in the streets and a freak in the sheets; but they don’t want a woman that’s hanging out everyday all day and can’t decipher day from night.
2) Lack of independence: If a man is considering making you his wife, he wants to know he has someone like minded, more so like a life partner. Everyone wants that goal oriented woman that knows her role as a wife and still manages to handle her own without always having her hand out.
1) Smashing the homies: The number one rule of thumb for men seems to be the whole “smashing the homies” thing. According to these guys, men like to feel as if they have something new, “Marrying a woman no one knows (sexually) is like winning 1st place in a race. No one wants to marry the chick that’s been around the neighborhood or around the crew, she’s great to have around for convenience but putting a ring on it is a big no no!”
At the end of the day it’s all about loving and respecting yourself. You can’t make anyone love you and trust me if you gotta make them, they’re not worth it!